The one question you should ask at the start of every one to one – especially right now.

It’s incredibly easy when things are busy or hectic, to rush into a one to one meeting and want to maintain momentum (or pick up the pace) and keep things moving.

To focus on the doing and charge on with the agenda or action items.

But, what does the other person need from you today? Rather than focusing on what needs to be done, try asking them “How would you like me to be with you today?”.

James Brett remarks “for successful leadership, we must be aware of which mode we are operating from at any given time to ensure that we have chosen the most effective one”, in his book Evolving Digital Leadership.

Oftentimes as we rush from one meeting to the next, we’re on autopilot, unaware of what mode we might be operating from or how we might be showing up in the space.

If we are being intentional about our behaviour and attempting to choose the most effective mode to operate from, it can be easy to make assumptions based on how we show up best as a leader and assume that’s what we need to bring to a meeting.

Sometimes we may even defer to our observations of what worked last time, in a previous 1:1 with that person.

But, what does your direct report need from you, right here, right now, in this time with you?

Ask them.

Do they want some healthy challenge?

Do they need a supportive listening ear?

Do they want playful curiosity?

I start my coaching sessions, by explicitly asking coachees how they’d like me to be with them today and I really get the feeling that it’s not a common question to be asked.  

Because most people stop. And pause. And think.

And here’s where it’s doubly powerful. It creates intentionality from both of us:

What do I need from Tee? How would I like her to be present with me in this session. 
What do I want to achieve from this session and what’s needed for me to achieve this?

Then we’re able to proceed with the session, guided by this insight – along with all of the other verbal and non verbal communication cues that follow.

Have you used something similar before?
Why not try it out in one of your meetings this week and see how you get on?
I’d love to hear how you get on…