Kindness is the theme for this year’s #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek (Mental Health Awareness Week 2020) in the UK, running 18-24 May 2020 – and it’s one of three scheduled moments this year for us to pause and reflect on how we’re showing up for ourselves and others with kindness. Random Acts of Kindness Day fell on 17 February 2020, and World Kindness Day is Friday 13 November 2020.
This article will explore what is kindness and why it matters, as well as offering a series of questions to ask yourself, to reflect on the way kindness as a strength is currently expressing itself in your life…
What is kindness?
The Mental Health Foundation in the UK define kindness as:
“Doing something towards yourself and others, motivated by genuine desire to make a positive difference.”
Kindness’ meaning according to VIA Institute on Character:
“Simply put, kindness is being nice to others. Kindness is being generous with others, being compassionate and being nurturing and caring to others. The goal of kindness is to make other feel cared for. Kind individuals believe that others are worthy of attention and affirmation for their own sake as human beings, not out of a sense of duty or principle.”
Kindness as a strength
Character Strengths are the positive parts of your personality that impact how you think, feel and what you do. Each of us has certain traits that are admired or respected by others.
We each possesses all 24 character strengths in different degrees, giving each of us a unique character strengths profile - there are over 600 sextillion possible combinations. We also each express our character strengths in ways that are unique to us and adapt these depending on the situations we find ourselves in. If you are curious about your own character strengths profile, you can take a free strengths assessment here.
Being aware of and able to apply your character strengths is a key part of bringing out the best in yourself and feeling connected to who you really are. When we are able to express these strengths through what we think, say and do, we tend to feel happier, more connected and more productive. Awareness of our strengths allows us to amplify and grow the positive as well as learn from and reframe the negative.
Kindness is one of the 24 VIA Character Strengths - and is one of three under the virtue of Humanity, alongside Love and Social Intelligence. The grouping of Humanity strengths, relates to the strengths that help you in one-on-one relationships.
Virtue of Humanity Strengths; love, kindness and social intelligence
Why does kindness matter?
Research shared by The Mental Health Foundation shows us that kindness and our mental health are deeply connected. Kindness is an antidote to isolation and creates a sense of belonging. It helps reduce stress, brings a fresh perspective and deepens friendships. Kindness to ourselves can prevent shame from corroding our sense of identity and help boost our self-esteem. Kindness can even improve feelings of confidence and optimism.
While VIA’s research found that people who give to others, in small and in large ways, tend to be happier as a result. Kind people are often likeable to others, which can provide opportunities to develop meaningful relationships and love. Random acts of kindness have related to a range of benefits, including greater positive emotions, lower negative emotions, greater well-being, and higher peer acceptance (popularity).
Too much of a good thing, or not enough - underuse and overuse of kindness
When kindness is applied optimally, that is in the right degree for the right situation, it comes across as caring, compassionate and friendly. When you are at your best with kindness, you show a balance of directing kindness toward yourself and toward others.
Kindness motto:
“I am helpful and empathic and regularly do nice favours for others without expecting anything in return.”
The enemy of kindness is indifference. When our character strength of kindness is underused or downplayed, we may notice it if we aren’t being as generous as we could be, if we are uncaring or lacking empathy for someone that is suffering or if we are mean-spirited in our interactions.
On the flipside, when we overuse kindness, we may find ourselves intrusive or overly focused on others. This manifests when we give so much to the other person that we have very little left for ourselves. Giving too much, or more than is appropriate for the situation or the other person can feel imbalanced or that we are over-stepping the mark.
Underuse, optimal use and overuse of kindness
Reflections on kindness – questions to ask yourself about the way kindness is currently expressing itself in your life:
What expressions of kindness have you been aware of, around you this week?
How are your kind acts received by others?
What impact do you feel as a result of expressing kindness?
In which situations do you find kindness easier to express?
In which situations do you struggle to express kindness?
Where are you currently in terms of under using, optimally using or over using kindness?
What acts of kindness do you most appreciate showing yourself?
What expressions of kindness from others might you be unintentionally blocking or evading? How could you be more open to them in the coming week?
If you are interested in exploring more about how kindness and the other 23 character strengths show up for you as a leader - perhaps how to harness them as part of your unique leadership style, or how to feel connected to your strengths as part of your job search - I’d love to chat to you about how this could work. Find out more about a Six Session Coaching Package here, and book in your free, introductory call with Tee here.